It was yesterday, right?

Oh, yeah.

Um, when (censored name) and I were meeting.

Yeah.

Um, but I did want to talk about, I’m not upset or anything like that. But I did want to talk about it. Just to make sure that we were kind of on the same page about why I wanted to do separate meetings.

Yeah, I think (censored name) is still kind of confused on that. Because they did mention to me. They don't feel like there's anything that needs to be confidential in the meeting. Like, they don't mention anything confidential in the meeting. That's their words.

Yeah.

And they were—

And I can understand that.

Yeah, they were kind of, I'm not sure if “upset” is the right word, but like, they were mostly confused.

Yeah, and that makes a lot of sense. And I'm definitely gonna make some time to chat with them directly. Because it's not a matter of things being confidential necessarily. It is more so that that is a time that is specifically for you, the client.

And I want to be able to devote all of that time to that specific person. I would say like sometimes if people are in certain arrangements, are living together, like sometimes it's easier to do them to operate as like a unit and to do case management in that way. But sometimes I find that if there are like, honestly, you two are working on two very different things and it sometimes is just a little more difficult to try to work on both at the same time.

So, not so much a confidentiality thing. Just in terms of trying to keep things organized. Um, and like I said, I can definitely talk to bleep about it too. Because, yeah, I don't want him to think that it's like, “oh, no, I don't want this, you know, super, super confidential stuff or—“, oh, no, that's ringing, um, “to get out” or that, you know, I just want to make sure that we're all on the same page.

Okay, yeah. And they did mention to me and talk to me about it, like, because one of the reasons they wanted me in the meeting was because they felt safer in my presence during the meeting.

That's real. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, well then that is definitely something- do you think it's okay if I bring up safety with them?

Around me?

Okay. Yeah.

Because I definitely hear them and I definitely want them to feel safe around them. So, I will definitely make sure to bring that up. Thank you. All right. Then um, would you like to schedule our next one?

Uh, I did have one more thing to talk about, but we—

Oh, my apologies.

Yeah, I probably won't be scheduling another meeting because I don't really feel like there's much that I need out of these meetings anymore. Like, it would basically just be updates, but not much of seeking help.

Okay. That is totally fine. Um, I will say that case management is not mandatory. So if you feel like you have gotten everything you need and you would like to terminate services, you absolutely can. If you found that you were like, actually, can we just do check-ins once in a while, we could also totally do that. Um, it is very much up to you.

Yeah. I'll probably just stop doing meetings for now.

Just stop for now? Okay. And then if you need something in the meantime, you want to just let me know?

Yeah, sure.

All right. That is perfectly fine.

And other than that, I did- I guess I wanted to discuss like- I'm not sure how to word this but I wanted to discuss boundaries, I guess.

Yeah. Sure.

Yeah. Honestly in the past, I felt like, a lot of people at the Attic or you too haven't been very respectful or weren't very receptive to my boundaries. And it felt like you were trying to assert your own opinions or your own wants around my boundaries.

Okay. Um, can you give me an example?

Like, when I had boundaries about not wanting to go to the Attic or like- that's me, kind of, like separating myself from the Attic because the Attic involves the out of commitment often. For me, I can't devote that much commitment to the attic and I don't want to. I don't want to devote any commitment to the Attic.

So, that's why when I try to cut ties with the Attic completely. Some people just kept trying to pull me back in, trying to find reasons for me to keep going to the Attic, whether it's intentional or not. I know it's not malicious intent. I know it's not- may not be intentionally but it's definitely not an accident. And that felt very hurtful to me. It felt very disrespectful.

Okay. Well, thank you for sharing how you felt.

Um, I was—

oh, sorry, were you adding more? Oh, okay. Um, I was just gonna say that, um, I could see, I spell that wrong. I could see how, um, it might have felt that way or seem that way. Um, I can't speak to what other staff have done or said. But I can say for myself that when it comes to attendance at the attic, that my reaching out and seeing if you're still interested in being here is more so to do with concerns about you, that if, you know, I would say suddenly pulling away is one of those sort of warning signs you look out for people.

Um, that doesn't always mean that something is wrong, but it can indicate a shift. And so for me it is more so like, yeah, if you still want to come, you're free to, but if you don't want to, there's no pressure too.

Yeah, I do feel like one of the other things that really bothered me- like when I set my boundaries, I felt like you often question them or you often want try to demand for an explanation behind like why I want to do this, why I want to do that. But you don't give me the opportunity to not provide that explanation.

Which I do find uncomfortable because sometimes I- I'm not obligated to give you a reason, like, you don't have a right to know. But the fact that you didn't give me an opportunity to be- you didn't say anything like “but you don't have to say this or you don't have to give me an answer. That's up to you.” Yeah, I don't recall you ever doing that. So, it felt like I had to give sometimes an explanation and I don't really feel like it or want to because it's uncomfortable for me.

Mhm. I hear you. I would say that some of that sounds like internal pressures, maybe, that you're putting on yourself for what you need to do. I don't expect an explanation and I don't really recall demanding one. I may have asked for one, but yeah, if you don't give me one or choose not to, I'm not particularly bothered by that.

Yeah. I mean, it's not like you demanded it. Like, straightforwardly, but it's definitely, like, you ask for it, but you never say that I had the option of not responding.

Do you feel as though you need to be told you don't have to respond?

It's more like communication. Because usually people would say that, and that would be a sign that they're okay with not disrespecting your boundaries.

Um, it can be, but the trouble with communication is that we have to start with that communication. So it would be “I am making this decision and I would like to not be questioned about it.”That would be communicating what you want and also your expectation for how others engage with it. I don't think anyone else can guess, “oh yes, let me remind you that you don't have to explain yourself to me.”

I mean, I think that's probably what you think, but I don't really view it that way. Usually, I always say it to people whether or not I know their comfortability. I always say, “but you don't have to tell me or you don't have to, if you don't want to,” because I want to make them comfortable.

And it sounds like it is something that works for you. Yeah. You find that you would prefer to have more reassurance in certain conversations?

More like, I just don't want to feel... Like, I don't want to feel pressured, because I don't think it's internal pressure. It's more like- there’s social cues that I'm perceiving, that makes me feel like I have to respond. And the fact that, I'm not given opportunities or the reassurance-I guess-to not respond. Yeah.

Okay. Um. That is something I will keep in mind.

I do want to say whenever people bring up if I want to go to the attic, although they might perceive it as them checking in, to me, it just feels like you're trying to market the attic at some point. Because it's repeatedly. And it's just on repeat. It's every time they see me. Some of the people will just mention an event or whatever.

That is part of our job. Yeah.

Yeah.

Where you go is up to you, (censored name).

I do just dislike community places that claim to be a community.. Because those places are often only a community to the select few that they want to accept. And I am not part of those communities because I choose not to be. And when I try to be, it doesn't feel right.

Would you say you've made an effort to try to be part of the community?

Yeah. I guess. Yeah.

You guess?

Well, I guess? Yeah, I'm not sure what you mean by that, though.

Well, I guess I'm wondering what you mean by that, that you say you feel like you're not part of the community, and I'm wondering what efforts you've made to be part of the community.

Yeah, I make efforts. It's just that the community is selective. It's not like they're actually accepting or inclusive. They're just—

Can you say more about that?

It's more like… It's more like cults. It's more like cliques- cliques.

Hm

Yeah. Because when someone tries to make a community and a safe space, If they exclude others based on like- I don't know how to word it.. But sometimes they're just not safe spaces, even when they try to be.

Is there a place that you found that does feel safe for you?

I don't think there needs to be.

Oh, okay.

I don't think there should be places that claim to be safe space. I try to avoid those.

Okay. Um, is there anything else that you would like to say about your experience?

I just don't feel comfortable. I feel unsafe a lot of the times.

When you're here?

Yeah.

I got you.

That's about it.

Okay. Well, thank you for letting me know. I am sorry that you had that experience here. And I'm sorry that it has not felt as safe as… it could have.

I think the only thing that would have fixed it is if I never gone. Because that was never a place for me.

What do you mean by that?

Exactly what I mean.

Why was it never a place for you?

I think it’s self explanatory. It was never a place for me.

Meaning what?

I don't really need to explain myself. I'm good.

Okay. Is there anything else you would like to say on the topic?

Not really.

Okay. Alright. Well, then, if you need anything, please let me know. You have my all my contact information. If you ever need support with jobs, school, or anything else, we're here as a support. Alright?

Yeah.

All right. And I will see you when I see you. Okay?

Okay, I'll end the recording.